London Vs Paris: Fight to the Death

London. What can I say? I am a little in love. I absolutely adored the place. I can't help but contrast it to the Paris I also love.

Things London does better than Paris:

1. They speak English. But not only to they speak English, they speak with soothing accents that makes every thing they say sound important or interesting but always sophisticated. Every where you go, people are having important conversations about their grocery shopping or what their friend just bought.
2. Far less cobblestone. I say this often, but cobblestone kills. Even the most supportive shoe does not stand a chance against the menace that is cobblestone. London does have some, in the older parts of the city, but for the most part it's smooth sidewalks, which are a dream to walk on in comparison.
   

   
3. The Underground or even Tube, is far cleaner. I didn't feel the need to shower every time I got on and off. Yes, I love the Paris Metro, but it is dirty and dingy. London's trains were nearly pristine and all but lacked graffiti and the stations were pretty much garbage, or I should say rubbish, free. I think it's all the English pride. To litter is to disgrace the Queen and the entire House of Windsor.
4. No hobos, well very few. Don't get me wrong. I love the gypsies that play me some good old fashioned accordion tunes and struggling musicians that serenade me as I walk from station to station, but I do not love the hobos that come on the metro and give speeches about their tragic lives: “J'ai faim. J'ai 12 enfants. J'ai besoin de travail mais le Man fait ma vie très dur!” Translation: “I am hungry. I have 12 kids. I need a job but the man is getting me down!” I hate to say this but, you live in a socialist country, go use that government.
   

   
5. Big red double-decker buses. This city would be great for this reason alone. I literally thought that this was idle fantasies of Americans' of what London must be like. Turns out the wishful thinking is true. They were everywhere and I got excited every time I saw one. I was pretty sure one was on it's way to the Leaky Cauldron because I swear I saw a guy that looked exactly like Stan Shunpike. These buses are much better than the Paris buses, which are like the ones utilized by SunTran or the UTA. 
   

   

    
6. Personal space. I can make eye contact and not feel like I violated someone's personal space. Londoners are friendly. Not to say that Parisians are mean, but they are cold. There is a definite public and private bubble that never touch. Don't try and make small talk with a Parisian. Also, avoid eye contact. In London, if I made eye contact, people actually responded with a smile as opposed to an icy glare. I think I'll stay here forever.
7. Breakfast. Sure I love a good croissant in the morning, key word being 'A'. But the Brits know how to make a rib sticking meal complete with eggs, sausage, tomatoes, beans on toast, and chips. If you are feeling fancy, throw in some mushrooms, and if you are feeling dangerous, squeeze some black pudding on to that plate. Amen! I want to die because I eat this every morning.
   

   
8. There are witches and wizards everywhere. It is the plain and honest truth. Harry Potter lives! You can feel the magic in the air. I think this means that I am a squib. I'll take what I can get. Paris is magical because it's the city of love, but London really is magical. Platform 9 ¾ totally exists so the rest of the story must be true... right? My theory, JK Rowlling is just a renegade witch that decided to publish a very important history of her people. But to confuse us Muggles, it is sold as fiction. But I know the truth. So, go ahead, believe in HP. It makes life far more fun.
   

   

   
9. Gardens. I appreciate greatly the geometric perfection of a traditional French garden. Take the gardens at Versailles for example. Amazing. But our dear English have perfected the inviting organic garden. You actually feel like you can relax in an English garden, where as in a French garden you feel the need to walk with excellent posture and a bad smell under your nose. 
   

   

    
10. Humor. If you have ever had the occasion to watch the good ole BBC you know what I am talking about. The Brits have a dry and witty sense of humor that is unmatched. Political debates, sitcoms, even the news is filled with sarcasm and irony. Everywhere you can possibly fit a joke, the English do. I love it. I have yet to be able to classify what the French find humorous. The language barrier may be to blame.

So there you have it. 10 reasons why the Brits do it better than the French. God love them both, but I would live in London, where as my extended stay in Paris all I want it to be, a visit.